


How Starscream should have been

by TotallyARealPerson



Category: Transformers: Prime
Genre: Gen, I JUST FILLED OUT THE PREREQUISITE PAPERWORK YOU MOTHERFRAGGER!, Jerk Boss, Megatron is The Fucking Worst part: 3078493758573252839406, Soundwave's Recordings, Starscream Vs Paperwork
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:43:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24118198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotallyARealPerson/pseuds/TotallyARealPerson
Summary: ["Your partner, the autobot Arcee, was previously traumatized by witnessing Tailgate's offlining. I'm forced to wonder how she would react if she were to witnessyourlast moments."]TFP did Starscream dirty, and I take second-hand offense as a writer who's read about Starscream's previous incarnations. I'm rewriting his major scenes, and some not-so-major.
Relationships: Soundwave & Starscream (Transformers)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 79





	1. Cliffjumper has a bad day

Starscream's wings twitched when the plating opened and three bots stepped in. Two vehicon/eradicon-frames, and an autobot. 

"The autobot called Cliffjumper," Starscream drawled. He turned, revealing an impassive face. 

"Starscream. Been a while. So... Where's your master?" asked the smirking bot. 

His wings twitched. "He's out for the moment. Left me in charge." His feet shuffled. "I don't suppose you would reveal the location of the autobot base?" 

"No can do, Screamy," Cliffjumper said sardonically. 

He unclasped his hands from his back, and flared his claws. They glinted dangerously as he approached the immobilized bot, stopped in front of him, and curled his servos into a careful fist. 

"I understand you were one of two autobots responsible for the destruction of the space bridge on Cybertron three earth-centuries ago?" he asked. 

Cliffjumper's optic ridge raised. "Yeah. So?" 

Starscream inhaled and ex-vented, kneeling on the tips of his toes. "There were three mechs caught in that explosion who were very important to me. Two were members of my trine, and the other, a fellow scientist, colleague, and friend." He tilted his head. "Your partner, the autobot Arcee, was previously traumatized by witnessing Tailgate's offlining. I'm forced to wonder how she would react if she were to witness your last moments." 

Cliffjumper didn't look cocky anymore. He pulled against the mechs restraining him. "Don't you dare!" 

Starscream calmly backed away with a smirk. "Oh, so you'd prefer to die now? Because either way, you're not leaving this ship alive." 

"Yes!" Cliffjumper nearly sobbed. "Please don't bring Arcee here!" 

Starscream stood and looked at the guards. "Indulge him." 

One of the vehicons transformed their arm into a blaster and shot Cliffjumper through the spark. 

"Soundwave, please note for the historical record that on the third lunar interval of the earth-code year 2010, the autobot stationed at outpost omega-one called Cliffjumper was exterminated as an act of vengeance for the losses of Lieutenant Commanders Thundercracker and Skywarp, and CSO of the decepticon cause, Commander Shockwave," Starscream said. 

Soundwave nodded. 

Starscream turned to the drones. "Take him to Knockout. He could do with some spare parts." 

Cliffjumper's corpse was dragged away. 

"Is there still no news from Lord Megatron?" Starscream asked. 

"there- Is- -still no news from Lord Megatron?" Soundwave remixed. 

Starscream nodded. "I'm going to relieve ST-3V3 from his post - he's been at it long enough for now. You're in charge until I get back. Make sure the eradicons don't accidentally kill themselves." 

Soundwave nodded and turned back to his monitor.


	2. Megatron has a bad day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Megatron returns for command of the _Nemesis_.

_"DECEPTICONS! I have returned!"_

Starscream's smile became somewhat strained. "Computer," he called, and it beeped accordingly. "Transfer high-priority command codes from Acting Captain Starscream to Lord Megatron of Kaon." 

It beeped an acknowledgement. 'Command codes transferred.'

"Soundwave," he called. The ex-SIC looked up to face the SIC. "Inform Lord Megatron I'll be out for a flight for the next hour. I'll be back then to give him a report regarding mine D-2." 

Soundwave nodded, and turned back to his console. 

The flight was meant to calm his nerves and center his mind's gravity. It certainly centered him, but his thoughts were still exceptionally turbulent. He was still jittery and nervous when he led Megatron around. "Of all the mines the decepticons have acquired during your absence, Lord Megatron, this one is by far the most prominent, with some of the purest crystals at ninety-percent of pure energon," Starscream said. "The miners have been working without pause, and we have amassed quite the stockpile. There are four hundred and twenty-six processed cubes in the storage room from this particular mine, and-" 

"When will you tire of this blathering?" Megatron asked. 

Starscream's hackles rose and his plating twitched, but he desperately quashed the feeling of righteous indignation that followed. He didn't need Megatron on his bad side. He held his glossa and waited for Megatron to continue speaking. 

The towering grey and purple mech smirked. 

"My time away had yielded a very intriguing means of materializing the army I will gather: the solidified form of what the ancient texts refer to as the blood of Unicron. Behold: dark energon." 

Starscream walked closer and slowly reached for it, giving the elder any chance he needed to stop him. Starscream grabbed Megatron's wrist and dragged the dark substance closer to his face. 

A digit ran over the curves of the crystal. There was a pulse that sent a dual sensation of warmth and freezing up his arm. "Interesting," he granted. "However, I don't understand. It is said his blood is the antispark. How wou-" The solution came to him. "You intend to use the dead?" 

Megatron simply smirked. 

He scoffed and couldn't punch down the urge to jibe him fast enough, stepping away from the warlord. "You believe in those old bonded's tales?" 

"We require only a cadaver to be certain," Megatron said. His red optics flicked to his SIC. "Are you prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice?" 

His wings twitched. His commanding officer asking his right-hand mech if he was prepared to die? How was he supposed to take that, when there were so many guards and warriors on the ship who were no good but for cannon fodder? "Fortunately, I don't believe Knockout has begun his disassembly yet. Would you prefer to issue the command to bring him down, or shall I?" 

"You're the one who knows what he's looking for," Megatron pointed out. 

Starscream tapped his comm line. "Knockout, please bring down the recently exterminated autobot corpse." 

_"Yes, commander,"_ Knockout said. 

He was down on the planet in scarcely five minutes, with the autobot on a hovering platform. 

Cliffjumper still lay dead, a singed hole visible on his chestplates that was curved inwards at the back and humongous in the front, covered with scratches and burns, limp and disfigured, missing his arms and part of his chest plating - Knockout had obviously been in the middle of his dissection when he was called down. Megatron obviously recognized the deceased because his optics, with malicious glee, were glowing brightly. 

Starscream smiled evilly. "Think of it as a welcome home present." 

Megatron didn't hesitate. He plunged the crystal into Cliffjumper's chest with a loud smirk. The autobot got to his pedes, hissing and growling desperately akin to a demon, and immediately attacking the drones opposite his slab. Starscream used his pede thrusters to hide himself out of the reach of the creature on one of the antigrav elevation rings. Knockout, on the other hand, jumped down into the collection of crystals, while Megatron stayed in his place. 

" _That_ 's your plan?" Starscream asked, voice high-pitched and panicked. "Bring autobots back from the grave to destroy us?" 

"That is no autobot," Megatron corrected. "Simply a mindless killing machine intent on destroying everything in its path." 

"And if it will attack decepticons as well as autobots, how do you propose to control them?" Starscream riposted. "This is the fragging _blood of Unicron_ , hardly mentioned out of legend! We don't know anything about it!" 

"And that is precisely why we will have to learn," Megatron growled, and Starscream fell into the instinctual silent obedience Megatron had long instilled more than a thousand years ago. "You are a former scientist. You will work with Knockout and his assistant to analyze the substance." 

His wings drooped in complacent submission. That was what he demanded, and what Starscream capitulated to whenever his subordinates weren't in danger of facing the madman's beatings. "Yes, my lord." The terrorcon finally caught notice of Megatron. "My lord, watch out!" 

Megatron turned almost lazily towards the zombie, and immediately cut him in half, allowing the disarmed corpse to fall, its legs now disconnected from the torso. There was still the faint sound of growling and hissing. 

The former autobot was trying to move, but his half-removed torso was leaking rapidly, his legs had gone dark again, and he couldn't move without limbs. 

The miners had all halted when the crash came from one of the lower balconies, the armed guards activating their blasters. Others' eyes darted to Starscream and Megatron in worry. Megatron held up a calming hand. 

"Starscream, I've collected a rather large crystal of dark energon," Megatron said. "Have Soundwave open the bridge - I will retrieve it, and you will prepare a containment chamber in the science lab." 

"Yes, my lord," Starscream said, diving off of the glowing golden ring and transforming a few inches from the crystals. A stream of bright blue burning energon followed him up, glowing in the Koovold Starburst maneuver, which always calmed him. Megatron growled at the ostentatiousness and watched him travel to the ship. His Air Commander was too arrogant for his own good. 

Knockout, on the other hand, had to take the next platform with the next mining cart full of energon. 

~?~

Knockout, Breakdown, and Starscream then spent about five joors preparing a containment field for the dark energon. When it was actually brought to them, however, there was a horrible churning in their guts. The hot/cold feeling was intensified, and Breakdown's armour clacked against his skin. It only dimished by half when it was placed in the containment field, and Megatron moaned. 

"I'll adjust the specifications of the field immed-" 

"You will keep the field as it is," Megatron interrupted his SIC. "Knockout, Breakdown, you may leave." 

The doctor and his assistant quickly left, grateful to be granted reprieve from the horrible feeling. 

The pulses of hot/cold/wrong/sick were felt through to his pedes now. He looked on the bottom of his thrusters - he'd apparently underestimated the jolt. There was burnt energon on the bottom of his pedes. There was the same cold, sick feeling on the bottom edges of his wings, too, and in his energon lines. 

He took a step closer to the dark energon mound, and the feeling became more intense. His tank churned. He went back to his original position, and then took a few steps back. The churning in his tanks stopped and his pedes felt mildly better, but his wings still ached. 

This was obviously having an effect on regular energon. 

"My Lord, I fear too much contact with the dark substance is going to he hazardous to the crew's health. Perhaps we should adjust the-" 

"WE WILL NOT ADJUST THE FIELD!" Megatron screamed. His fusion canon whirred threateningly, and Starscream's wings immediately melted against the small of his back. 

Megatron liked him looking small and fragile. They were easily defeated in the Ring. Not much of a threat. 

Megatron spoke soft enough to the mound of death rock that Starscream couldn't hear if he didn't get closer (which he didn't - he didn't need his tanks expelling all over the floor), walking around the weak containment field like it was looking at him. Starscream memorized every grove and dip in the jagged crystal as he, too, walked around it, though at a far greater distance. 

There was a beep in the comms, and the two mechs halted in their orbits. _"Lord Megatron! The autobots have invaded D-2!"_

The gladiator's angry crimson optics turned to Starscream like his mere gaze was an accusation. Starscream wordlessly challenged the gaze. 

"Orders?" came the Seeker's voice. 

"The mine must not fall into autobot hands. Nor should dark energon." 

"There is not enough time to extract everything-" 

"Then blow the mine!" Megatron yelled furiously. 

Starscream's wing twitched, but he left, unsubspacing a bomb he'd gotten from some autobot soldier during the War that had a fairly impressive yield. Mixed with all that energon in the mine, it would certainly be explosive enough to destroy the mine and everything left in it. (Quite the waste of ressources - they hadn't gotten far into the outer walls, there was still equipment, the antigrav elevation rings probably wouldn't be able to be salvaged, the dark energon in the autobot's corpse...) He didn't let it catch attention - he simply activated the bomb, set it for thirty klicks, dropped it in the energon crystals, had Soundwave provide a bridge for the miners, and let the mine explode. 

They didn't usually die that easily. If they were still alive, it would be useful to devise a counterstrategy for when they would next attack. 

Though, if they were dead, the death of the leader of the Autobots wouldn't be a bad thing. It could even lead to surrender. There was, after all, a reason why the autobot forces were only a match for the decepticons after Orion Pax became a True Prime. 

He sighed and went to his quarters. It had been seventy-two joors since Megatron's return, and since that time, he'd had less duties but he was sent running positively fragging everywhere. Do this, climb that, fetch this, call him, perform such-and-such drill, blow the mine, erect a containment field, make sure all the troops are safe... 

He got another comm alert when he wasn't even two seconds in his berth. 

His claw pressed into the button behind his audial. "I've been on duty for three Earth days," he said flatly. "You can do without me for eight hours. Starscream out." 

Another comm chime. And another. He sighed and sat up on the fifth in as many seconds, relenting. "What is it?" 

It was obviously Soundwave, cobbled together from voice clips he recognized from Optimus Prime calling for retreat, a random Vehicon warning of an intrusion, Starscream announcing to the crew of Megatron's trip, and Starscream's own voice from not five joors ago. "Autobots- -on the ship! - Megatron is absent- Orders?"

Starscrema's legs swung off his berth. "Why in the pit would they be on our ship? Can they penetrate our cloak?"

There was a voice he didn't recognize in Soundwave's remixed recordings. "Special Agent William Fowler here. I'm en route from the autobot base. I'll brief you in person.- -Locked up in the brig- -The autobots will- -rescue-"

He moaned. "Keep the human under maximum surveillance. Mind the presence of the autobots. If the cloak is damaged, repair it. How many autobots are infesting our ship?" 

"-three-" Soundwave answered. 

The seeker mumbled something incoherent. 

Soundwave let confused static fill the comm lines. 

(Starscream momentarily despaired that he knew Soundwave's static patterns so well.) "Have you started interrogating the human yet?" he repeated. 

There was another clip, a conversation between R0N-47D and Soundwave, who was using Megatron's voice clips. "You're chaining him up? (a pause). Are you going to start interrogating him? (another pause.) Why not? 'Hold position and await my command- This is an opportunity we can't let slip through our fingers!'"

Starscream hummed. "I'm not taking the blame for this. And I was serious about the recharge. You're in command, and you're quite competent. Deal with the situation yourself." 

Really, the only reason he wasn't out of his berth and making all the mistakes that would drag attention away from Soundwave for defying Megatron's orders was because Starscream knew very well that Soundwave was the only decepticon he wouldn't beat for defying him or making a mistake. Never in a million years had Megatron laid a hand on Soundwave. There were plenty of threats, to be certain, and his VISOR had been cracked once or twice from sparring, but otherwise? No. The ex-Kaonian gladiator could handle himself very well. 

He wasn't worried. 

He fell into recharge in fifty seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Koovold Starburst's name comes from Star Trek: The Next Generation. In ST:TNG, it's an illegal five-part maneuver which is extremely beautiful and also extremely dangerous, which resulted in a manslaughter. In more extreme cases, it ended with a five-part accidental death (which is why they banned the Koovold Starburst in the first place).
> 
> The name is the only thing shared with TNG proper.
> 
> In this universe, the Koovold Starburst is a Vosian acrobatic stunt in which you detransform over a pile of energon, transform when you get close, and ignite the crystals, leaving a trail of burnt energon on your trail. If you're careful, there's no energy waste, and the only thing that really happens is the energon becomes liquefied. In Starscream's case here, he mistimed the jump and accidentally got some on his pede thrusters and the edges of his wings.


	3. Soundwave has a bad day

Okay, look. Starscream's internal clock was faulty, alright? And so were his audials. 

And optic sensors. 

And just about every other sense. 

Starscream was a heavy sleeper, okay? And he'd just had: a brush with death from a maniac two logical corrections away from a histrionic meltdown, a 76-hour shift, a good fly, and an encounter with an autobot terrorcon that Megatron wanted to keep and make a part of his army. He was two WHAT THE FRAGs away from going into forced shutdown. Let Soundwave take the fragging blame for once! 

Maybe he should have taken a shorter recharge cycle than eighteen earth hours, because when Starscream stumbled into the hall, there was a vehicon corpse with long-dried energon that was already going grey lying outside his quarters, and another spot of dried energon was being cleaned further down the hall, and a few sharp clicks of his claws against the nearest touch-screen informed him that the dark energon was no longer behind its containment field. When he checked his comm signal reports, there were no recent pings from His Majesty the Megalomaniac, only from Soundwave, once every hour for the past five hours. 

Maybe he should answer them. 

He really should, shouldn't he? 

He looked back down at the vehicon corpse, and poked it with the end of his pedes. It didn't twitch, which meant Megatron hadn't gone on a killing spree just to randomly revive his soldiers. 

So where did the Dark Energon- 

"Frag it. I'm going back to stasis. Ping me when the ship's not in a state of being epically fragged." 

Thankfully, the drone cleaning down the hall was ST-3V3. ST-3V3 was one who knew how to mind his own business, and immediately deleted that memory from his files. Soundwave, also loyal, immediately filed the video footage away for blackmail.


	4. Skyquake and Starscream have bad days (for wildly different reasons)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter used to be _Partners_ , until I remembered there was a million more things I could do before that. And it's alll really interesting.
> 
> AKA: my brain went "hey, what if this happened instead of that bullshit?"  
> And I'm like, "oh, shit. You're right."
> 
> But don't worry! I saved the copy of the _Partners_ chapter, and it'll be out again soon. It might be workshopped in the meantime, but every good thing can always still be worked on.

Soundwave stepped silently into Starscream's office. Everything from where he'd started packing up for Megatron to take over again was still boxed up. The rest of the small room looked like an explosion of padds and datachips. There were reports on reports on reports. On the sudden sickness from the crew at the Dark Energon, medical reports on injured vehicons, a damage report on the ship's systems, fatality reports from sectors of the ship, a loss report on the Space Bridge and access to further troops from Cybertron and other sectors of the galaxy. Plus, there was another mountain of paperwork Starscream needed to fill out on Megatron's death and his rulership apparent. 

Starscream scowled at the monthly stockroom report on energon accumulation. All he'd heard was the door sliding open. "Just... put it anywhere," he waved at the top of the desk.

Soundwave swept a few datachips aside, and put the cube down where it wouldn't break anything.

Starscream's optics became a bit brighter, and he gulped down a few mouthfuls. "Ah, I love you." 

"Are you talking to me or the - energon-"

Starscream chuckled. "Where do you keep getting these recordings?" 

A winky face appeared on his VISOR. " _I'll_ never tell."

"The energon, Soundwave." He sniffed the liquid appreciatively. "Did you put mercury in this? It tastes marvellous."

Soundwave nodded.

"Okay, I take it back. You're... fourth on the list of things I love." 

"You're crazy."

"Tell me something I don't already know."

Soundwave mentally went through his files for a good long while, and finally came up with an example. There was a blinking dot in the middle of a desert region, where Skyquake had been assigned to this planet. His stasis pod was still emitting a standard encrypted location signal.

Starscream swallowed his mouthful of energon and very carefully did not scream.

"... Pit. This is just gonna be more paperwork, isn't it?"

"Yes."

~?~

"Skyquake serves only one master," Skyquake said.

"Perfect. You'll make a wonderful addition to the crew."

"I don't believe you understand. _Megatron_ is the master to which I'm referring."

"Oh, I see. Sadly, Megatron was terminated a while ago."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe me, I wish it wasn't true either. There's a mountain of paperwork in my office. Right pain in the aftplates, that is."

"I don't believe that, either. I would sooner believe he converted to the Autobots faction than believe him dead."

"Megatron is terminated," Soundwave replayed Starscream's tired voice soon after he'd been dragged out of his berth pede-first by R0N-41D, for a projection to all of the listening Decepticon channels. "Lieutenant Starscream, Megatron's second-in-command, is the current leader of the Decepticon faction." 

"STOP TELLING LIES!" Skyquakle roared, backhanding Starscream into the canyon walls. He was about to attack Soundwave, as well, but the comms chief just opened a groundbridge to the Arctic, closed it on his elbow, and roundhouse kicked his helm.

This seemed to be the moment that Optimus Prime chose to intrude on their argument. "Starscream! If you consider yourself an intelligent leader, you should consider straying from Megatron's path and forging your own." 

"Spare your saltwater and sanctimony for someone who cares. Or actively listens," Starscream riposted. 

Soundwave seemed to agree, because he opened a groundbridge under Prime's pedes and let him fall through. 

Starscream shot him a Look. 

"Insufferable bitch," said a condescending tone.

Starscream's wings rose. "Fair enough."

Skyquake roared in pain. "I'LL TEAR OUT YOUR SPARKS FOR THAT!"

"Not likely," Starscream drawled. He shot a missile directly at his head.

The most disturbing part about this whole affair was the energon staining his armour.

Soundwave Looked at him. 

"Shut up, Soundwave. He can follow Megatron in death if he's so eager to see him again."

Soundwave nodded, and shot the canyon walls. It caused a rockslide that washed over Skyquake's body and covered his corpse. Likewise, it hid any trace of alien involvement. The only trace left of Skyquake was a short glyph Soundwave barely took a second to carve, 'TRAITOR'.

"Are we done here?" Starscream asked.

"We are."

"Then let's go." 

"-paperwork-"

Starscream scowled. His wings twitched. "I know. And that's a valid point, but it's still got to get done." 

There was odd pause, and then music in between the words. "-It's so insane -"

"I know, I hate it too. Damned _paperwork_."

"Not that." A ping popped up on Soundwave's VISOR.

"Yes, the Space Bridge exploded. And we've sent out troops to scour the wreckage for useable parts. Of course you have a spark signal at that location - they're still collecting the metal."

Soundwave changed the reading, and Starscream's spark missed a rotation.

"Oh, _Pit_. Okay, look. Make sure this location is secure and get the stasis pod back to the ship. I'll investigate the signal."

"Acknowledged."

Starscream transformed and flew off. 

~?~

"You've gotta be fragging kidding me," Starscream sighed. He poked Megatron with his pede, and the old warlord's eyes came online for half a second. "So, barely online. And somehow intact. Having survived Ground Zero of a space bridge explosion."

There was animalistic snarling. _"DIE!"_

"Ya know, I'm not even sure you're a terrorcon, you tell me to go throw myself off of Vos's nonexistent towers at least once a decacycle," Starscream sighed. He looked down. "PRIMUS, _WHY WON'T YOU LET ME SLEEP_! THIS IS GONNA TAKE **_DAYS UPON MOTHERFRAGGING DAYS OF PAPERWORK_**!" 

He didn't want to be here. Not for a second.

The eradicons weren't hearing him freak the frag out. That was a small comfort, at least.

"... Commander Starscream?"

COME _ON_ , R0N-41D!

"Our leader's corpse survived the space bridge explosion and he's infected with dark energon," Starscream said tiredly. 

"Is he alive? Like, not terrorcon-alive, but _alive_ -alive." 

"... _That_ 's your first question?" 

"It's been a long cycle fraction, sir." 

Starscream shrugged. That was fair. "I don't know. I'm not a medic." 

"Neither am I, Sir." 

" _I know_ , R0N-41D." 

They looked at the body. 

"I want to go back to my office," Starscream whined. 

"Okay, but first let's make sure Megatron's dead."

_**"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"** _

"HOLY MOTHERFRAGGING FRAG!" R0N-41D screamed. 

"R0N-41D!" 

"IT'S BEEN A LONG CYCLE FRACTION, OKAY?!"


	5. Soundwave has another bad day

Soundwave had extensive records on this planet.

Extensive. Records.

Including weather patterns, where cybertronians would be likely to shut down, the locations of all their mines (past and present), the locations of inaccessible energon mines, and everything else they could manage.

Everything was going quite smoothly since the decepticons had gone back under the cloak. The autobots were still frantically looking for them, as evidenced by abusing their groundbridge.

Though, why they were searching the polar ice caps multiple times when a single survey would have sufficed, he didn't know.

... Did R0N-41D burn the files on that region?

It was entirely possible.

He reported the phenomenon to Starscream, who promptly assigned ST-3V1 to shadow any autobots he found until his sensor reached the Blue Zone, and he was to be replaced with ST-3V2 and so forth. 

~?~

Scraplets. 

There were scraplets on this planet. 

It fragging HAD to be scraplets. 

They were in a state of cryo-freeze at ST-3V6's pedes as he explained what he'd found and seen. Soundwave recorded it, filed it, and marked it 'urgent' for Starscream's optics.

Five hours later, he heard Starscream laughing hysterically, so Soundwave assumed he either got the comedy sketch ST-3V5 accidentally turned in instead of paperwork (which he only realized once he was in the common room, reading it aloud), or the report regarding the scraplets. 

In either case, it was irrelevant. He turned back to the monitor, a mine display in one tab and a cat video in the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone notice the last chapter was changed?


	6. Makeshift has a bad day

Makeshift knew today was going to be absolutely delicious.

Despite the fact that the decepticons and the autobots were officially in terms of 'cold war', the autobots were certainly proceeding as though the opposite was true. Or, so Starscream and Soundwave had recorded on the day they'd brought Megatron's near-lifeless corpse back to the ship (who was, incidentally, the reason Knock Out had Megatron sequestered away in a storage closet, away from the actual medbay). There was something about Wheeljack.

Wrecker scum, blah-blah... battle of Darkmount Pass, liaison with the autobot station here Bulkhead, notably energetic. Files by his previous commander, Ultra Magnus, described his behaviour. His own reports were haphazard at best. He'd been reprimanded for that quite a bit.

Makeshift downloaded everything into a personality chip, and downloaded it into his processor. It took some work with Soundwave and Knock Out to render it functional for upgrading to his CPU, and there was a ten percent discrepancy margin.

Being with the autobots wasn't easy. It was hard, listening to the autobot side of things when everything they knew was clearly wrong.

"So there we were, at the battle of Temerin Hall. Decepticons on our flanks and fronts, smelted metal everywhere else, and 'Jackie and I were the only ones left."

Battle of Temerin. Twenty-one wreckers exterminated that day. One hundred fifty Decepticon casualties. Primary perpetrator: Wheeljack.

"There were a lot of smelting pits back then," Makeshift said. Megatron considered it poetic justice, in retribution for the higher castes' regular discarding of old, injured, sparked, or misshapen miners - those who couldn't work. Much of the towersmechae were smelted in the early days of the war, including the Council - which was around the day most cybertronians emigrated to the moons, the outer colonies, or were conscripted.

"So what does he do?"

He was lilting his vocalizations as though the story had a _happy_ ending. Why would he be doing that? He'd lost quite a significant amount of comrades that day, too. It wasn't a win, it was just mutually assured destruction.

Bulkhead had the gall to laugh. "Tell 'em, Jacks!"

He snapped back into the story. He hadn't been listening as much as he should have. He avoided the gaze of the little humans at his pedes. "Well, what I do best," he answered vaguely.

"He chucks his only grenade straight into the primary heat exchanger!" Bulkhead mimed throwing a little object about the size of a tchotchke. 

That single move had killed six wreckers, and left the only four left alive who'd participated in that battle in severe condition. Temerin Hall had been absolutely obliterated in that battle. All the artwork and culture, and many predacon bones, had been destroyed. In hindsight, it wasn't a good move on Wheeljack's part. "It seemed like a good idea at the time." 

"The joint went SUPERNOVA!" Bulkhead exclaimed, excitedly throwing his arms above his head. 

"Awesome!" exclaimed the little human femme. Bulkhead's charge. 

"Yeah, I'm STILL picking shrapnel out of my backside!" 

"I'm not surprised, given the size of your backside," Arcee drawled. 

Makeshift's plating itched. Was this what life among the autobots was like? Because it felt horrible. His tanks was rebelling against him. Joking about old battles and the destruction of their homeworld. Did none of them remember the higher castes they'd been conscripted to fight for? The decepticons had been bringing civil change. And ultimately, it wasn't even them who'd fired the first shots - that had been the towersmechae, the caste system, the imposed curfews, the oppression, the savagery, over the past four trillion years before Megatronus. 

Makeshift very carefully kept his servos still. "Bulkhead, I need to go outside." 

"Now? Come on! The party's just getting started." 

"And that's why I need to leave," Makeshift said tensely, shoving past Wheeljack's friend. 

He took his little walk, memorizing the twists and turns, pretending for the security cameras like he couldn't find his way outside. Energon storage room, weapons vault, primary heat exchanger, technology storage... 

"Hey, Wheeljack!" Jack called. 

Makeshift very obviously stopped. He knew he hadn't been caught. But autobots were very squishy about humans for some reason. "What?" 

"You seemed kinda annoyed with Bulkhead. Is there something wrong?" 

Makeshift sighed, and consciously manipulated his doorwings to sag. "Walk with me, kid." 

So Makeshift moved his pedes slower than normal as Jack jogged to keep up with him. 

"There's been brutality on both sides of the war," Makeshift started. "I'm not the only one you could find to make that out for you. That last 'supernova shot' in Temerin pass? It killed six wreckers. _Friends_ ," he almost choked on the word. "I've never forgotten their names. I think Bulkhead has, though, because he talks about that fight like it was a victory." 

"Wasn't it? You destroyed the battlegrounds," Jack shrugged. 

"Oh, sure, we destroyed the battlegrounds," Makeshift shrugged. "But you don't understand either. Me and Bulkhead were the luckier ones. And by that, I mean I had to get my legs replaced and Bulkhead lost so much energon, he was loopy for upwards of a month. But Blizzard, Rapidfire, Firefly, Violet, Greendot, and Opal? All dead. Because of me." 

Jack turned his eyes away. 

"And he thinks it's a _victory_ ," Makeshift spat. "And that's not even counting the reason why the war was started. It really churns my tanks." 

"Wait, what?" Jack asked. "Optimus said it was about control over Cybertron's supply of energon. Is... Is that not true?" 

Makeshift scoffed. "Partially. But it was also because people were being worked to death, the towersmecha were turning miners into slaves, kaonites were being made to fight to death, they were smelting everyone who they didn't consider useful, and rations were being cut more often than miners renamed themselves." 

"What do you mean, 'renamed themselves'?" Jack asked. He regretted the question the second it was out. 

"They didn't have names. They had numbers. 52ABX-dash-9WGU, that sort of thing. Really long, and a mouthful to anyone who didn't know their tells. A lot of the vehicons have names like that, but they've all chosen their designations. If they want to be 'Crimsoncoat' or whatever, that's what their name is, so long as they submit the appropriate paperwork and Commander Soundwave sees it." 

Jack very carefully inched back. And Makeshift didn't know why, until he breathed, " _Commander_ Soundwave?" 

"Ah, slag." 

Makeshift quickly scooped up the human, who let loose a long and screechy scream. 

"JACK?" came Arcee's scream. 

Makeshift barrelled past Arcee, holding Jack in front of him like a shield. "Stay back, or I'll squeeze him to a pulp." 

"Wheeljack, what are you doing?" Miko asked frantically. 

"'Con scum! Let the boy go and face me!" Arcee challenged. 

Makeshift smirked. "Never you fret. Plenty of fighting is to come." 

"Where's the real Wheeljack?" Bulkhead asked. 

"Oh, I expect Lord Starscream's executed him by now. He was utterly irrelevant to this mission," Makeshift said. He transformed his other arm into a blaster and approached Ratchet, towering over him. "Stay back, or I'll nail your precious human to the wall." 

Ratchet backed away and kept his arms nontransformed.

A few pushes of the groundbridge buttons fired it up again. Makeshift inputted the coordinates codes, carefully tightening his fingers each time Jack squirmed. 

The floors in here made his footsteps all the more noticeable. He kept Jack in front of him and kept his back to the groundbridge. 

"Let's get this party started!" 

Jack yelped as Makeshift lurched forwards. 

"I'd hoped Lord Starscream had executed you." 

"Can't get rid of me that easily." 

Makeshift sighed tiredly. Starscream had been buried under mountains of paperwork for days, now, and Soundwave wasn't helping by adding more documents - or by not working on the documents while Starscream slept after the 72-hour shift. "Ya know what? I'm not in the mood for this. You've got your best friend back, there's been no new information acquired, I just fixed your groundbridge in about five seconds. The most that's happened is that I infiltrated your base. Which, by the way - not a high bar to clear. I'm going home."

So Makeshift left. 

"How did the mission go?" Soundwave asked. The duo were alone on the flight deck of the Nemesis, the moon and the grey clouds providing more than enough light. 

"Perfectly," Makeshift said. "Though, we may want to leave before they realize I left the grenade in their matter/energy transmutation rings." 

Soundwave nodded, and they both walked inside, calm as can be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ADMIT IT. I fooled you guys with the chapter title, didn't I?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I don't have an excuse for my lateness. But I guess I'll be posting the chapters out of order because I don't think it's mathematically possible to give less of a shit.

Starscream glared at the walls of the transport cart he'd been shoved into by the Prime. The cuffs on his wings chafed, and it felt like the walls were getting smaller the more he was jostled.

This was all R0N-41D's fault. If he'd just filed the paperwork correctly for ONCE IN HIS LIFE, _perhaps_ Starscream wouldn't be in this situation now. He probably wouldn't have been sent on a mission with Airachnid, that was certain.

But _NO_. Starscream was just too fragging generous with preventing punishment.

Perhaps he would make an exception. Just for R0N-41D. When he got back to the _Nemesis_ , he was definitely assigning him to sanitation duty until his nuts and bolts fell out. Maybe he would cause less damage in a less essential system than the file room.

... He'd just felt the truck lurch. The others were talking. Were they under attack or something? ... They opened the door. No attack. They'd just stopped.

How unfortunate.

"Arcee, look after Starscream. Bumblebee, Bulkhead, we'll investigate the _Harbinger_."

They shared a Look. Starscream sneered, and Arcee's plating flared aggressively.

Just perfect.

He discreetly unsheathed his claws beneath the pointless drivel. "I'm not to bad, you know. Megatron; he's the evil one."

"Tell it to someone who cares," Arcee hissed.

"Like whom? Airachnid?" He scoffed. "I'd sooner get saltwater under my protoform plating."

Arcee sighed. "I've probably got you beat there, at least. Airachnid murdered my partner."

Starscream's wings twitched. He was shocked she'd be so open about it. Or volunteer information so casually. Or so easily _show her hand_. She was keeping her eyes carefully on him. He kept his claws as they were, and started mapping the underside of the cuffs on his wrists, pretending it was a nervous habit. "It's _personal_ ," he drawled.

She immediately went on the defensive. "That gonna be a problem or something?"

If Starscream closed his optics, he could almost hear Skywarp's laughter whenever he first warped through a physical object. See Shockwave obsessing over a new experiment like a youngling with a new cybercat. Smell Thundercracker's special scented polishes he would punch anyone for stealing.

Cliffjumper's corpse brought the smile back to his face.

"Don't worry, Femme. I take things rather personally, as well."

Arcee tsked. "Fine, then."

She started pacing again. It allowed Starscream more leeway when her back was turned, and finding the weak spot in the ancient cuffs was terrifyingly easy.

He then fiddled with the cuffs on his wings, until they unlatched and fell to the ground. Starscream stood and let his wings flare as the cuffs fell off his wrist.

"Which is why I feel compelled to let you know," Starscream continued and Arcee turned sharply, "that I arranged for the death of your last partner."

"Jack?" Came the breathy, terrified question.

Jackson Darby. Her human. The one Soundwave had the most records on. The one Airachnid had her eye on for the 'trophy room'.

How _fun_. He should let himself get taken prisoner more often, if they were going to keep revealing weakness after weakness.

"Cliffjumper," Starscream corrected. And really, he knew he shouldn't be revealing information unprompted. But it was fair enough the Arcee learn of who caused her partner's death before her own demise.

She'd been caught off-guard. It left a fair opportunity for Starscream's claws to shred through Arcee's midsection. She froze further as energon leaked, and then more when Starscream tripped her and she was crushed under his pede.

He very carefully ex-vented and watched as her energon leaked. He momentarily considered it gross that he'd have to clean out his pede thrusters later, but rather quickly dismissed the thought. This felt lovely, and it was funny watching the femme twist and writhe under him, transforming her arms into blasters, but without the energon force to make it more of an annoyance than a rock. "I've waited for a very long time for this.

And he would have seen it through, if it weren't for the yellow bot crashing into him with the force of a cityformer.

What Starscream looked up, Bumblebee was supporting Arcee and carrying her through the bridge.

Starscream rolled his shoulder joint, and transformed. He detransformed just over the wreckage of the Harbinger, finding Airachnid completely frozen, and no experimental technology in sight. There were no Autobots anywhere near.

"Soundwave, send a bridge. One occupant."

_"Is Airachnid -deceased."_ Soundwave asked.

Starscream transformed his arm into a blaster and shot through Airachnid's chest. She didn't snap out of stasis, even as her spark fizzled out. Though, her optics finally went offline. "Yes, she's dead. Be sure to send a team for her corpse."

There was an overlapping recording of six eradicons saying _"Yes, Commander Starscream"_ as an answer.

"And let's file the correct coordinates this time, please?" Starscream sighed. "I don't want to have cause to return here anytime soon."

_"Yes, Commander Starscream."_

"On that note," he added, "Keep R0N-41D on waste extraction duty for the next three lunar rotations and have his supervisor check his paperwork every time it's submitted."

Soundwave nodded, and Starscream for once retreated happily into his office to chip away at his paperwork fiasco.

**Author's Note:**

> 1: Please be aware that I no longer have access to seasons 2 and 3 on Netflix, so canon will be majorly diverged starting from there.
> 
> 2: If you like this story, I encourage you to check out Marfacat's works. _Starscream but in really weird scenarios_ is my bread and butter.


End file.
